When I embarked on this journey of creating an altered book for and about my practicum experiences; I at first felt very opposed. The idea of destroying something so sacred and special that’s sole purpose was to convey thought, meaning, and beauty felt naughty and disrespectful.

Once I began to encounter, engage, and understand the adolescent clients at CV; I began to see that no other medium existed that could convey the message necessary about this population to explain their desperate existence. The only other mediums that could directly relate to the plight of these urban youth was either hip hop or graffiti art and neither of those mediums could effectively work to express my emotions that have grown from working with them.

“The human race is the most stupid and unfair kind of race. A lot of the runners don’t even get decent sneakers or clean drinking water.

What the human race needs is a lot more streakers.”
― Banksy, Cut It Out

This book feels a bit naked and raw. It is an altered book loaded with expressive language, dark and violent colors and images of cityscapes scribbled across page after page. From beginning to end, this book just gives a glimpse into the dying identity and hope of a generation of young that were given up on years ago and failed by the closest of kin at the earliest of ages.

I walked into that studio with a bias and an attitude of unrealized oppression and privilege, but the thing that they needed the most, I had; desire to be present. These boys want to be heard, they want to be acknowledged, they want someone to know they exist and realize their pain is as real as the tears that stain their pillow cases. The only gift I could have ever given them was just being there. In the back of my mind I had judged and feared them and they had equally judged and feared me. In the end, we left as an alliance against the greater oppressor that has thrown them to the side, discarded them like weekend refuse.

This book exists because of the pain, abuse, neglect, violence, blood, death, and life that have all been lived in less than a decade for some and less than two decades of life for all. The resilience and strength displayed by these children emphasize the power of the unadulterated human spirit that despite the worst circumstances can still shine through when given even an ounce of chance. The best I could do on even the best of days in even the best of circumstances was just to show up. This book is me showing up.